Every couple has topics that tend to lead to ‘difficult conversations.’ What I mean by a difficult conversation is one that is neither constructive nor productive. We all know those conversations that feel like opening up a wound again & again. They just hurt and you are left wondering, “What was the point of that interaction?” I offer 10 strategies for how to approach difficult conversations in ways that may lead to more connection and care.
There’s a saying … “You can be right. Or you can be in relationship. You get to pick which one.”
Each one of us will always have our own experiences, even of a shared event. It is to be expected. If you can accept & tolerate this truth, it can serve as the “juice” of being in relationship. So why do we get triggered when our experiences differ? How can we cultivate curiosity and acceptance of our partner’s experience?
Often, people who are not getting their relationship needs met choose not to do anything about it, or they put off choosing what to do despite painful feelings that cry out for urgency. I share some of the primary reasons I have encountered, including the ones from my personal experience when I had “given up.” I offer ways to get unstuck from resignation and making progress to get more of your relationship needs met.
Couples engage me to coach them in the skills to create and maintain the closeness and connection that they desire for their romantic relationship. Little do they know, there are small but important things that they are doing to sabotage the potential for closeness with their partner. I’ll share my five TOUCH secrets you can do starting today to foster closer connection with your partner.
In my work with individuals and couples, unfortunately it is common that clients reach out to me when their conversations are hurting each other. They report to me that talking with their partner is both painful for them and damaging to the relationship. Unfortunately, ways of being together that are modeled to us in our society do not teach us the skills to be in a healthy relationship with each other. Luckily, those skills can be learned!
Controlling behavior is when one adult forbids another adult from doing something or tells them what to do. Trying to control a romantic partner is a losing strategy: It is not possible to control another person. And most people hate it.
So why is it so common for people to try it? We’ll get to the root of it in this article and that root will be the source of the strategy for addressing it once and for all.