I get asked all the time by my coaching clients “In my relationship, what do I do when I don’t know what to do?” They continue, “I want to feel connected to my partner but I don’t know what to do to inspire more connection.” In this short post, I offer 2 reliable and effective (what I call “solid gold”) strategies to have in your back pocket for the situations in which you don’t know what to do …
1. Ask your partner “What’s it like to be you right now?”
2. Ask your partner “What’s one thing I could right now that would feel supportive?”
Are there times in your romantic relationship when you feel that you are on the receiving end of criticism, blame, and judgment from your partner? In response to these situations, some coaches, therapists, and loved ones might offer the following advice: “As a first step, establish healthy boundaries.” In this article, I’ll begin to unpack what that means, why it is useful, and (probably most importantly) how to do it.
Pausing sounds wonderful … in a perfect world, when I am my best self, and when the issue at hand is not a big deal. How about all those other times in romantic relationships when things are messy, when I am upset, and when the issue really matters to me? Good judgment goes out the window temporarily and pain grabs the steering wheel. What do we do in those moments?
When you’re upset …
– you’re more likely to say or do something unkind
– you’re more likely to say or do something that you don’t mean or will regret
– you’re more likely to do the same things you tend to do that have contributed to where you are in your relationship now
Pausing when you’re upset empowers you to choose, not to react. Easier said than done, right?!? I provide a brief snapshot of how to practice and develop the skill of pausing
Have you and your partner tried to make changes to your ways of relating?
Partners can break decades-old patterns that no longer serve them and choose new ways of being together. It takes effort, intention, and support. If you and your partner feel stuck in some ways and are invested in making those changes together, read on and here I share 7 ways to (1) make it less painful and (2) increase the odds of your success.
Irritation and annoyance are to be expected in an intimate relationship. A critical relational skill is what to do with those feelings. I offer a simple reliable process for responding to your upset in ways that are caring & connecting for both you & your partner.