Pausing sounds wonderful … in a perfect world, when I am my best self, and when the issue at hand is not a big deal. How about all those other times in romantic relationships when things are messy, when I am upset, and when the issue really matters to me? Good judgment goes out the window temporarily and pain grabs the steering wheel. What do we do in those moments?
When you’re upset …
– you’re more likely to say or do something unkind
– you’re more likely to say or do something that you don’t mean or will regret
– you’re more likely to do the same things you tend to do that have contributed to where you are in your relationship now
Pausing when you’re upset empowers you to choose, not to react. Easier said than done, right?!? I provide a brief snapshot of how to practice and develop the skill of pausing
Have you and your partner tried to make changes to your ways of relating?
Partners can break decades-old patterns that no longer serve them and choose new ways of being together. It takes effort, intention, and support. If you and your partner feel stuck in some ways and are invested in making those changes together, read on and here I share 7 ways to (1) make it less painful and (2) increase the odds of your success.
Irritation and annoyance are to be expected in an intimate relationship. A critical relational skill is what to do with those feelings. I offer a simple reliable process for responding to your upset in ways that are caring & connecting for both you & your partner.
Every couple has topics that tend to lead to ‘difficult conversations.’ What I mean by a difficult conversation is one that is neither constructive nor productive. We all know those conversations that feel like opening up a wound again & again. They just hurt and you are left wondering, “What was the point of that interaction?” I offer 10 strategies for how to approach difficult conversations in ways that may lead to more connection and care.
There’s a saying … “You can be right. Or you can be in relationship. You get to pick which one.”
Each one of us will always have our own experiences, even of a shared event. It is to be expected. If you can accept & tolerate this truth, it can serve as the “juice” of being in relationship. So why do we get triggered when our experiences differ? How can we cultivate curiosity and acceptance of our partner’s experience?