Be Heard in Your Relationship Checklist
Communication in a romantic relationship is like food & water is to our bodies. It’s the fuel that nourishes the couple’s bond and ongoing connectedness.
And it is not just about how many words are shared. More importantly it is how you talk to your partner, what you talk about, and the changes in the relationship that both of you experience from the discussions. Communication is the primary way in which couples achieve many critical relationship goals, including:
- Opening up about what is most important to them
- Re-committing to their partnership
- Sharing gratitude for how their partner enriches their life
- Making requests
You Can Do It!: What You Can Do To Be Heard
In my work with individuals and couples focused on this topic, I use the Be Heard Checklist as a reminder for the things that they can do (either individually or together) to have the highest likelihood for being heard, understood, and known. The checklist draws upon learnings from my experiences as a coach and the disciplines I have devoted my life to, including Mindfulness, Non-Violent Communication (with gratitude to Marshall Rosenberg), and Relational Life Therapy (with gratitude to Terry Real).
You’ll see that the checklist is divided into the stages in each conversation: Before, During, and After. I hope it is helpful to you in creating the romantic relationship you want too! It is a tool you can use on your own but sometimes couples need my coaching services to support them in communicating more effectively. Coaching starts with an initial consultation.
Be Heard Checklist
Start creating connection with your partner now by downloading and using the checklist …
5 Ways to Create the Closeness You Crave
Couples engage me to coach them in the skills to create and maintain the closeness and connection that they desire for their romantic relationship. Little do they know, there are small but important things that they are doing to sabotage the potential for closeness with their partner. I’ll share my five TOUCH secrets you can do starting today to foster closer connection with your partner.
My Partner is messy …
My partner is messy ... My partner is extremely messy. I have been able to tolerate it for awhile, but now it has gotten out of control - piles of dishes in the kitchen and packaging & papers stacked in our living area. Every time I bring it up she gets...
Solid Gold – Reliable options to connect
I get asked all the time by my coaching clients “In my relationship, what do I do when I don’t know what to do?” They continue, “I want to feel connected to my partner but I don’t know what to do to inspire more connection.” In this short post, I offer 2 reliable and effective (what I call “solid gold”) strategies to have in your back pocket for the situations in which you don’t know what to do …
1. Ask your partner “What’s it like to be you right now?”
2. Ask your partner “What’s one thing I could right now that would feel supportive?”
Workshop (May/June 2022) – Self-Connection and Self-Empathy
In this 8-week course starting on May 12, 2022, we’ll build on the foundations of self-connection and self-empathy as foundations of Nonviolent Communication (NVC).
Consider joining us to co-create an experiential adventure filled with exploration and practice.
My Partner left today …
My husband left today ... My husband and I have been together for 3 years. Today he left. He texted me and said I have a week to show him more affection or he's finished with our marriage. He wants me to text him throughout the week to share that I love him. I am so...
Healthy Responses to Criticism and Blame
Are there times in your romantic relationship when you feel that you are on the receiving end of criticism, blame, and judgment from your partner? In response to these situations, some coaches, therapists, and loved ones might offer the following advice: “As a first step, establish healthy boundaries.” In this article, I’ll begin to unpack what that means, why it is useful, and (probably most importantly) how to do it.
Relationship Skills Workshop for Couples (Level 1) – March 27, 2022
Listening and Speaking from the Heart A Workshop for Couples Do you find yourselves arguing about the same old things without getting any resolution? Are blame and resentments creeping into your conversations? Or, are things generally going well, and you’re looking...
Ask for What You Want Workshop – April 19, 2022
Let’s face it, asking for what you want clearly and directly can be scary. No one wants to be disappointed. We’re afraid of being too needy. Too dependent. Too … well, everything. In this workshop, we’ll explore together how making clear requests is the lifeblood of...
Pausing in the Heat of the Moment
Pausing sounds wonderful … in a perfect world, when I am my best self, and when the issue at hand is not a big deal. How about all those other times in romantic relationships when things are messy, when I am upset, and when the issue really matters to me? Good judgment goes out the window temporarily and pain grabs the steering wheel. What do we do in those moments?
The Power of the Pause
When you’re upset …
– you’re more likely to say or do something unkind
– you’re more likely to say or do something that you don’t mean or will regret
– you’re more likely to do the same things you tend to do that have contributed to where you are in your relationship now
Pausing when you’re upset empowers you to choose, not to react. Easier said than done, right?!? I provide a brief snapshot of how to practice and develop the skill of pausing
Embrace Relationship Change
Have you and your partner tried to make changes to your ways of relating?
Partners can break decades-old patterns that no longer serve them and choose new ways of being together. It takes effort, intention, and support. If you and your partner feel stuck in some ways and are invested in making those changes together, read on and here I share 7 ways to (1) make it less painful and (2) increase the odds of your success.